What am I suppose to do with this heart?

It’s Sunday and I’m sitting in the reception in the hostel where I work. Sunday, 16 hours shift, sunny weather outside … doesn’t sound very good huh? But guess what. I am actually happy. I’ve been very happy lately. Life is good. Everything is good. A lot of times I just realize that I am walking around or riding on my bicycle with a smile on my face. And it feels amazing.

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Update on my life? There’s not much going on at the moment. I work a lot. Maybe too much sometimes. But I love my new job at the hostel so I don’t mind spending a little more time here then usually. Staff here is so friendly and even though I’ve been working here just for a month it feels like I’ve been here for a while.

I’ve been at home for 3 months now. I adapted back to being home and living the city life. It took me a while to get over post-travel depression but now I am all good. When I arrived home I was totally broke, with basicaly no money on my bank account and with no job. And now I can finally breathe again.  I try not to spend money at all and save as much as possible. You know, just in case I get the travel bug again.

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There are so many exciting things waiting for me this month. First, my good friend Kristin, who I met on Koh Rong is coming to visit me. And I am thrilled that I will be able to show her where I live and introduce her to my friends. And Špela’s birthday is coming soon too. So we can celebrate it together. And yeah, my birthday is not that far away either. I still talk with my Koh Rong family a lot. Everyday basically. Unexpected phone calls from Cambodia just make my day every single time. They keep me updated so I know all the important info’s, events and gossip from the Island.  I miss them all so much.

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I talk to my mom every day too. Bro is going to move to his place soon.  I am in a good place with all of my good friends. I don’t have as much time as I want to spend it with them but when I have time it is much more fun because we make every moment count. My roomie went on a road trip for a month and I don’t know what I will do in the appartment all by myself. We are looking for new roomates too! Share the info, please!

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So I think this is all about the present time. What will the future bring? I still don’t know. I think about it all the time and I still didn’t find the answer. I just know what my heart want. So should I follow my heart again? Because the first time I did it it was the best decision I have ever made.

All my friends are getting babies, jobs, appartments … and I’m just sitting there thinking about where I want to go next. It’s complicated to explain. I still try to understand people as they talk passionately about possessions and material things they have or want.  But all this things just make us stressed. I’d trade strong internet for a real connection. I’d give up my computer and phone to be back on the
Island. Sometimes I wonder if I maybe could stay in just one place and be happy with my life. Getting a good career, fancy apartment and expensive shoes?  Would home made smoothies, spending a day on the beach and looking at pictures of the places all over the world on the internet ever be enough? Could I ever settle for just ‘enough’?

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My mind is running 100 miles per hour and it’s hard to put all my thoughts on paper. But I tried my best to share my thoughts. So in conclussion – I am a happy girl! I will just continue to live my life as I want and go with the flow. I just can’t settle down. Not yet. My body is here, but my heart is still somewhere far far away. So let’s enjoy every moment. Here. Now. Because we never know where the path may lead us . I dare you to follow your dream. It may be scary. It won’t be easy. But in the end, it will be worth it.

Have a nice Sunday everyone!

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